Tech
Ask Rosealeen: ‘My Wikipedia page will tell you I once shifted Harry Styles’
Rosealeen, help! My normally very calm almost reserved wife has gone cracked ever since the Cork hurlers got into the All-Ireland.
She went into an arts shop in town and bought four litres of body paint and she’s after painting herself red and white and is running around the place stark naked, painted all over and roaring ‘do anyone have a ticket for the match?’.
Cobh hasn’t seen this much running since Sonia O’ Sullivan in her heyday. The worst thing is, she climbs into the bed at night and the sheets are destroyed so I suppose what I am asking you is… How do you get red and white body paint out of our Egyptian cotton sheets and also any chance you’d have a ticket for the match?
Rosealeen, I saw one of those medical influencery type doctors on TikTok the other day saying that they had found a cure for piles.
Apparently if you fill a basin with water, four leeks and a small radish and sit out in it under the light of the moon and wait until dawn breaks and then wipe yourself with a €10 note, your piles will be gone and you will smell of vegetable soup.
I mean it has to be true because someone on TikTok said it. I was wondering do you think it would be possible to use a stalk of rhubarb instead as leeks are gone very expensive and I have a lovely batch of rhubarb growing out me back. What are your thoughts?
Well Rosealeen from Ballydesmond, Berna here. I wonder could you help me please?
My eyes are bleeding from reading pure and utter scutter in the paper the past two weeks. This wan with pure notions thinks she knows it all and is walking around Ballydesmond with a laptop no less and declaring that she is now a writer of all things.
Who does she think she is, Mark bloody Twain? The only thing I have ever seen her write is raunchy WhatsApps into the local Men’s Shed WhatsApp group.
How she got added to that group we will never know though there was some talk that she had inspected quite a few tools over in that particular shed.
Anyway tell me, when will Audrey be back so I can finally buy the paper again? Is there anything worse than a bit of power? It goes straight to their heads.