I won’t let gentle parenting dictate my holidays

Research shows 62 per cent of parents consider their children’s wants and needs more than their own when planning a trip

July 12, 2024 6:00 am(Updated 6:03 am)

I’d do almost anything for my children, but letting them choose our family holidays is one thing I won’t give in on. Like most parents, and mums in particular, I spend most of my time in the service of my offspring. Mornings dragged from my bed at an ungodly hour to serve breakfast demands; evenings spent wrangling overwrought toddlers and tweens into bath then bed; and in between clearing the kitchen table and Lego-strewn floor on a loop.

There’s a saying that parents don’t really get to go on holiday. It’s just parenting in a different place. Well, if that’s true, then I’m sure as heck going to be the one choosing where I do that.

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It turns out that most people do the opposite, with research from tour operator Original Travel into the rise of “pester power” in holiday booking decisions finding that 62 per cent of parents consider their children’s wants and needs more than their own when planning a holiday.

I know how tricky it can be to keep your kids happy on holiday, but I do the opposite of the near three-quarters of respondents who said it is one of, or the most, important consideration in choosing your holiday destination.

Travel is one of my great passions and of course, holiday decision-making changed when we had children. The average UK family spends £2,000- £5,000 for a week’s main holiday. My 10-year-old gets £4 pocket money per week: I’m not sure I trust her with that budgetary responsibility.

We do make more subtle concessions in the way we travel because of our children. You won’t find us crawling through the rainforest with a travel cot.

But I don’t let being a parent stop us from visiting far-flung countries or destinations that aren’t marketed to families. We’re about to take a week-long train ride through Malaysia with our three- and 10-year-old. We certainly aren’t theme park-bound every year, as I don’t think my brain could cope.

And that’s a key part of my stance: parents – and (again) mums in particular – are so used to serving others first. We put our own needs way down the priority list and suppress our desires, forgetting what we used to love doing.

So I think it’s OK to have something that I want once a year. When you spend so much time nurturing others, it’s important to nurture yourself too, and that includes holidaying somewhere that makes you happy.

Let’s face it, kids often don’t know the reality of what they’re asking for. Disney might seem like the ultimate paradise, but the queues are insane and they’re either not allowed on the rides they want to go on, or are sick when they do.

But whenever we have “dragged” our children to things they don’t want to do, they end up converting to the world’s biggest advocates, often within minutes. God forbid I say I told them so.

Peer pressure and advertising contributes heavily to their pestering, rather than actual travel experience. I choose holiday destinations they’ll love, but don’t know about yet. Hopefully avoiding some plastic souvenirs along the way. My advice? Ignore them at least once, you deserve the holiday you want. You can always cave in next year.