Miriam Lord: We say never again. We voice outrage. We listen to the promises. Until the next time

Never again, until the next time.

Holly Cairns said it best: “Every time a woman is violently attacked we say ‘never again’.”

Every time a woman is brutally killed we say “never again”.

Every time a woman is retraumatised by our legal system we say “never again”.

And every time an abuser walks free from court with a slap on the wrist we say “never again”.

Sick of it.

And every time too, we sit on the press gallery and take in the anger and report what is said, and report it the next time, and the next.

Sometimes whole days are given over to absolutely sincere pledges of “never again” and why this latest outrage will be the watershed to end all watersheds because something really has to be done now.

If only sincerity could stem the insult of suspended sentences for men who violently beat up women.

If only broken bones and a shattered life could matter more than a blemish on a young man’s CV.

Excuse us if we don’t get too excited.

Is there anything to be said for another mass of calls to Liveline?

The young woman who leads the Social Democrats wasn’t getting her hopes up too much either. There was a raw edge of anger and weary frustration to her short recitation of this depressingly familiar litany of never agains.

She stressed every word of the last line to underscore the truth.

“But. It. Always. Happens. Again.”

It does, Holly, it does.

And everyone in the Dáil chamber on Tuesday afternoon knew it. But none more than Natasha O’Brien, who lived it.

The 24-year-old woman was in the public gallery when the Dáil resumed this week. A place she never expected to be, but her furious reaction last week when the man who brutally assaulted her was allowed to walk free from court, took her there.

Party leaders took turns to commend her for her bravery in taking a stand and speaking out. She was punched to the ground by soldier Cathal Crotty.

The fully suspended sentence handed down to Crotty caused a national outcry, leading to protests around the country at the weekend.

It was mainly women TDs who spoke in the Dáil about the travesty of the court verdict and how it sits in a shameful timeline of the law’s all-too-frequent reluctance to properly punish violent men who abuse women.

It was a man, Taoiseach Simon Harris, who promised this would end.

“I want to assure the women of Ireland that zero tolerance is what we need to get to,” Harris said, making no secret of his anger at the way Natasha O’Brien had been treated.

“Zero tolerance rings about as equally as ‘never again’,” sighed Cairns.

“That’s not fair,” replied the Taoiseach.

It’s the way women feel, she said, after years of “platitudes” from politicians and promises of change.

“How many taoisigh have stood there before and spoken about zero tolerance and promised change? How many more women’s names will we learn before any meaningful action is taken? How many more taoisigh will stand there?”

Natasha O’Brien nodded from her seat in the front row of the public gallery, as she had done during the passionate contributions from Sinn Féin’s Mary Lou McDonald, who pointed up to her and acknowledged her presence when telling the Taoiseach that she feels “so betrayed and let down” by what happened last week.

When she finished and before Holly Cairns was due to speak, the Ceann Comhairle, in an unusual move, addressed the House.

“I am going to break with tradition,” he said, looking up to the gallery. “Thank you for coming here today, Natasha. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to respond to the circumstances that you find yourself in.”

Then he asked the members to stand and applaud her.

She smiled and gave a little wave.

And when the noise died down, the Ceann Comhairle added: “We are on your side.” A large group of women on a tour of Leinster House applauded too. As the proceedings resumed, some of them tiptoed around the curved rows to give Natasha their best wishes. But they had to get past the constant stream of deputies and TDs on a similar mission.

Mary Lou McDonald pointed out that what happened to Natasha is not an isolated case but “a symptom of an epidemic in our society” borne out by the latest Women’s Aid report on gender-based violence.

There needs to be zero tolerance for this and for the culture that tolerates this behaviour.

“Deputy McDonald, there are often moments on which we don’t agree in this House. On this I agree with you 100 per cent,” responded Simon Harris.

He agreed there is an “epidemic”, which emerged as the word of this particular “never again” moment.

[ Natasha O’Brien didn’t go to court to hear Cathal Crotty’s guilty plea ]

The Sinn Féin leader said it was time for politicians to show real leadership and there was a particular onus on the Taoiseach to lead the way.

“There absolutely is and it’s one I take very seriously and it’s a responsibility I don’t shirk from at all,” he said, at pains throughout to emphasise his own personal “disgust” at how Cathal Crotty was allowed walk from court and resume his position in the Defence Forces and how “furious” he is over what happened.

When Holly Cairns, jaded from years of “hollow” promises, failed to be impressed by his use of “zero tolerance”, he pushed back against her scepticism.

“There is nobody in this House more disgusted than anyone else. Nobody,” he said.

“I’m not just a Taoiseach. I’m a father, son, husband,” he said with unexpected intensity.

“Everyone wants to live in a country with zero tolerance and nobody suggests zero tolerance is some sort of platitude.”

Helen McEntee, the Minister for Justice, was seated beside him and he pointed out the work she has done “more than any minister before her” on gender-based and domestic violence.

Even the Sinn Féin leader accepted that some advances have been made, but not enough.

There was a tone to the contributions on Tuesday which was different from the other times. There was frustration and maybe even a hint of resignation to go with words defiantly spoken, but not for the first time.

And yet…

Might Simon Harris really do something? He certainly talks the talk and he acts and sounds like he really means it – even more than all the others who really meant it too. He knows what has to be done. Says “the work is under way”.

Zero tolerance is the objective.

We have to believe him.

Until the next time, until there is no next time.