My wife’s Take That obsession took a drastic turn

DEAR DEIDRE: Since my wife had a lesbian affair with a woman she met on a Take That fan site, I feel I can’t trust her anymore. 

She’s now become very friendly with a woman at work, and I’m sure they’re sleeping together. 

I’m 45 and she is 43. We have been married for 14 years and have two young sons.

After having our second son, my wife suffered from postnatal depression. Even after she recovered, she had a lot of mental health problems. 

Listening to Take That and joining a fan group really helped to get her through it. She also made several new friends. 

At first, I was happy she was herself again. But she spent a lot of time talking to one particular woman, and they would message each other at all hours of the day and night – even while we were in bed together.

She talked about her non-stop. It was like she’d become obsessed. 

We stopped having sex, and she neglected the kids.

Then she and this woman arranged to go away for a weekend together for a Take That gig.

She was out of contact the whole time – which greatly upset the kids –  and when she came home I knew something had happened.

She admitted they’d slept in the same bed together, but claimed they hadn’t had sex. 

I didn’t and still don’t believe her. 

She said she’d got it out of her system, blocked the woman, begged me to forgive her and said she wanted to work on our marriage.

I agreed, for the sake of the kids. 

Now she’s become friendly with a woman at work, who I believe is a lesbian. 

I suspect something is going on. I don’t trust her.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: You need to tell her how you feel and ask her to be honest.

She may have put what happened behind her, but you haven’t. Getting back together ‘for the kids’ will not fix the issues in your relationship.

And if you’re both unhappy, it’s not good for them either.

It’s possible to get over infidelity, but it takes work from both partners. See my support pack, Cheating, Can you Get Over It?, for more on this.

It may be that you need couples counselling to help you work through your feelings. 

Find support through Tavistock Relationships (www.tavistockrelationships.org, tel: 020 7380 1960) My support pack on Counselling will tell you more about this.