Tana Ramsay ‘still suffers with so much guilt’ after miscarriage

• For support & information for those affected by miscarriage, call 01924 200799 or visit miscarriageassociation.org.uk 

Tana Ramsay has admitted that she ‘still suffers with so much guilt’ after her miscarriage. 

The wife, 49, of celebrity chef Gordon, 56, suffered a miscarriage at 20 weeks in 2016, before the couple later welcomed sons Oscar, five, and Jesse, 8-months.

Tana explained how Oscar asks about ‘his brother in the sky,’ and candidly spoke of how she and Gordon will ‘never get over’ the tragedy. 

Seven years on, she revealed that some days she still wonders if she could ‘have done something differently’

Speaking to hosts Lorraine Candy and Trish Halpin on the Postcards from Midlife podcast, Tana said: ‘I still suffer so much guilt. Did I, should I have known something? Should I have done something differently?’

‘It’s one of those things that some days you’re absolutely fine and you can kind of justify it.’ 

She continued: ‘Other days, for some reason, whether it’s because you’re overtired or something triggers you, I can have a day where I just feel really emotional. 

‘You don’t expect to be holding a baby knowing that they’re not going last more than an hour. That is always gonna be something I can never, never get over.’ 

The couple, who also share Megan, 26, twins Holly and Jack, 24, and Tilly, 22, welcomed Oscar in 2019 and baby Jesse in November last year. 

‘Even Oscar now, he talks about Rocky, his brother in the sky or his star. And he’ll come out with things like “I really don’t like him being there. Why can’t he just come here?”‘ she said.   

Tana added: ‘One of the hardest times actually was after I had Oscar, and he must have been about three weeks old. And I had a day where I felt so emotional. I think it was the guilt that I didn’t think that I felt enough about Rocky because I’ve been excited with a new baby.

‘And that threw me, and I remember Gordon saying to me, it was always going to hit you like this now, because we’ve been so in this bubble. 

‘And then suddenly you think, I felt unfair that I hadn’t sort of been thinking enough or sad. You can never know what’s around the corner with grief, and we’ve never had anything like that.’

Last year, Gordon reflected on the tragic loss of his son Rocky, admitting it was ‘really tough’ but said the loss brought his family ‘closer together.’

Tana explained that Rocky had been born with a ‘strong heartbeat’ but was ‘too little to survive’, as she paid tribute to him on the seventh anniversary of his death. 

Gordon explained the family honoured Rocky by naming their house in Cornwall after him and they all own pieces of jewellery engraved with his name.

In an interview with People, Gordon said: ‘Losing Rocky was really tough, and then just being there and watching the trauma unfold, it’s just this life-changing moment…

‘A: I was grateful that we were there together. B: Tana always struggled with her bloods and so there was always issues with getting those bloods absolutely right. 

‘So there was this incredible celebration that she was pregnant and everything was going fine. 

‘And all of a sudden it just changes within 24 hours. So, I think if anything it bought the whole family together, closer, Jack’s still got the little dog tag with Rocky. 

‘And we’ve got these little incredible bits of jewellery together that we connect through. 

‘And then the picture and then Rocky Bay House in Cornwall…. And it’s hard because we would never have Oscar if we hadn’t had Rocky, and so there was no substitute, far from it. 

‘But it just brought us a bond that you’d never experience in a normal situation, and so it was incredible.’

In July 2023, Tana marked seven years since she had lost Rocky in a reflective Instagram post, sharing a snap of her daughter Holly’s tattoo she’d gotten in memory of her late brother, as well as a family snap taken days before their tragic loss.

She wrote: ‘A happy picture taken of us celebrating [daughter] Megan’s 18th, I was just under 20 weeks pregnant’.

‘Little did we know, a few days later I would be holding our little boy Rocky – born with a strong heartbeat, but too little to survive’. 

‘Although it’s 7 years today, it still feels like yesterday. We all miss you everyday. We love you Rocky, forever in our hearts. I couldn’t do this without my family, you are all everything to me’.