The last hole Grayson Murray ever played was a short one. That was the 16th at Colonial a couple of Fridays ago and as par-threes go, this 190-yarder over a watery bit of Texas hadn’t caused a great deal of bother to the field.
It had gifted them a little more than it took, but it was fair. Hit the green and you’re probably good for a two or three; miss it long and you’ll have some trouble dealing with the slopes. After two bogeys in a row, the final tee shot of Murray’s 30-year life went long.
There wasn’t any televised footage of that, because the battles between smaller names and cut lines don’t usually make the broadcasts. But there is a nine-second clip of what followed, which is the putt after his chipped recovery went beyond the hole and left him six feet for par.
I must have watched that putt a dozen times or more in the past week and so have a million others, each of us seeing a roll that shifts the tiniest of fractions to Murray’s right about a foot after it left his blade. He instantly knows that it’s gone wrong and it has — it missed by less than an inch but it was never going in. So small and so huge.
The clip ends almost immediately after he taps in the bogey, so we don’t know precisely what Murray told his playing partner, Peter Malnati, in those next minutes, when he withdrew from the tournament between the 16th green and 17th tee. And we also don’t know if there was truth in what was posted by a few folk online, that Malnati, a good man, had later been overheard suggesting someone check in on him. Just as we don’t know if a phone call or an inch would have made any difference at all to what transpired when Murray returned to his home in Florida that evening.
The PGA Tour announced last Saturday that Grayson Murray (pictured) had tragically passed away, aged 30
Murray (pictured) won twice on the PGA Tour, having turned professional back in 2015
The golfer passed away after withdrawing from his second round at the Charles Schwab Challenge
It’s pointless to wonder but it is also inevitable that we do in times like these.
That’s something that exists among the horrible aftershocks of suicide. It was Murray’s parents who spoke for anyone caught in such nightmares, writing: ‘We have so many questions that have no answers.’
It’s been similar recently for my closest friend, who was called a couple of months back by a colleague to say his long-time mentor at work had taken his own life. We caught up for a round on Monday at a course in Cardiff, not far from the giant mural of Gary Speed on Leckwith Road, and my mate spoke about those same questions between draining six-foot putts. He never seems to miss when he plays me.
The point here is that he was talking about it because of Murray, and we know talking helps. It can help those in the eyes of storms and it can help those left behind; not always to an outcome that is guaranteed to be better, but it does improve the odds. We know that more than ever in the current era when sports and society are more enlightened and it has become a reflex to praise those who talk about talking whenever a new athlete comes forward. As we did when Murray started talking about his problems a few years ago. Perhaps he is the case that proves this is a message that can never be repeated too often.
I didn’t know Murray. I said hello to him only once and even that was more of a nod by the driving range ahead of the US PGA Championship at Valhalla a few weeks ago. In truth, his name mostly existed as a bookmarked curiosity on my radar because he was involved in a row with Rory McIlroy once.
It was almost a year ago to the day at the Canadian Open and it was 24 hours after golf’s warring tours announced their plan to play happy families. Murray had decided to make a stand in the players’ meeting and called the PGA Tour commissioner Jay Monahan a ‘liar’ to his face, which is roughly when McIlroy got involved to say ‘just play better, Grayson’. Never one for backing down, Murray went back at him with a pretty blunt response: ‘F*** off’.
Murray had previously spoken openly about his battles with depression and anxiety
His fiancée Christiana Ritchie caddied for him during the par-three contest at this year’s Masters
In January, Murray was victorious at the Sony Open in Hawaii, beating An Byeong-hun and Keegan Bradley in a play-off
Murray had once rowed with Rory McIlroy (pictured) and had told the four-time major winner to ‘f*** off’
It all ended with handshakes and them laughing it off, but I quite enjoyed the lack of deference from a guy who, in a mixture of contexts, to a variety of consequences, rarely seemed to find any benefit in repressing his thoughts.
For a while, that got him in trouble; for a while longer it seemed to be the saving of him, once his outbursts and questionable tweets made way for speaking with absolute candour about his mental health and alcoholism and how much he was struggling. About how much his time on Tour had ripped him apart at his lowest points. It truly was a life that never followed straight lines, just like that putt on 16.
There have been some lovely stories about Murray in the past week that most of us never knew, because why would we? He was never a star, but with two wins on the PGA Tour, one as recently as January, he wasn’t a journeyman either. He was golf’s inbetweener; successful enough to reach No 46 in the world earlier this year but often invisible in a land of bigger men.
In his death, a tale from a supplier of golf equipment, Pete Pappas, jumped out — it dated to eight years ago, so before Murray had made a bang on the scene with his first big win in 2017, aged 23. One of Pappas’s social media followers had tweeted about relentless difficulties in his life and Murray, a stranger to both of them, somehow saw it, related to what he read and privately bought the man a new car.
Others, many of them touring pros, spoke about a troubled golfer with a huge heart who they thought had passed the worst of his problems. From outside the ropes, fans detailed a man who missed two cuts for every one he made but would sign autographs whichever way it went. Another told of Murray chucking a ball to his son and when it fell short in the rough, he went in after it himself. Little gestures from one of sport’s smaller profiles but which have filled in a bigger picture.
Murray (pictured) and McIlroy would shake hands and laugh off their exchange of words
Murray’s caddie Jay Green (left) released a heartbreaking statement after his death was confirmed
Because we know there is other stuff, or certainly within golf they do. Like the twitter digs that nearly got him in a fight with Kevin Na on a driving range. Or other strange tweets to girls or about politics. Or the time he was put on probation by the PGA Tour for undisclosed drunken behaviour at a tournament in Hawaii in 2021, where, incidentally, he went on to win earlier this year.
The more I’ve read and heard in the past week, the more an image built of a man who had gone full circle. An image of a man who was far from perfect but was real in his presentation of his flaws when so much of his sport is sold on pretences. An inbetweener who wasn’t afraid to say ‘f*** off’ to anyone and deserved to be heard more often.
One of the tragedies within the wider tragedy of Grayson Murray is that this was all appreciated far too late.
For confidential support call Samaritans on 116123 or visit www.samaritans.org or the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline on 988 in the US.
Murray (left) was golf’s inbetweener; successful enough to reach No 46 in the world but often invisible in a land of bigger men on the tour
Footballers threaten strikes
Footballers are justifiably threatening to strike over the expectation that they play in the Club World Championship across four weeks next summer.
In a perverse way, it might just be the most free advertising such an irrelevant competition has received since Manchester United binned off the FA Cup to play in it 24 years ago.
Footballers are threatening to strike over the expectation they play in the Club World Championship next summer
It was reassuring to learn that Jack Grealish (pictured) has cut his holiday short to fight for his place at this summer’s Euros
The winger (left) has endured a difficult season, making only 10 league starts for Pep Guardiola’s (right) side
Grealish cuts his holiday short for England duty
It was reassuring to learn Jack Grealish has cut his holiday short to join up with England and fight for his place at the Euros.
I like him – he’s a great player at his best and a free spirit. But his disappointing season was only ever half of the problem, with the other being that Bukayo Saka, Phil Foden, Anthony Gordon, Cole Palmer and Eberechi Eze have excelled in the same spaces.
Ten league starts in a domestic season would struggle to gain access to most England squads of the past, let alone this one.
